Your fluency in English is of no significance when in France

I am a slow learner. Not for the academic stuff - I was given a well-greased accelerator in that area. But I am a slow learner when it comes to the lessons that civilization throws our way. Many things that are so obvious to everyone else have had to be drilled into my brain with the high power button pushed.

Don't get confused, I'm not criticizing myself. I am what I am - and most of the time I love the list of ingredients. But I definitely take my cool time to figure some concepts out.

The latest understanding that I have reached is this: When you are in France it doesn't matter how good your English is. It doesn't matter if you never make spelling errors - in English. It doesn't matter if you have all the English Grammar rules down pat. It doesn't matter if you speak English in a melodic and poetic fashion. What matters, when in France, is the quality of your French.

This seems obvious, doesn't it? But somehow I haven't understood this during the past 40 years and I haven't translated this concept into other areas of my life. For example, these days I am a full time RVer in the midst of homeowners. A traveler in the midst of stationary people. An unschooler in the midst of focused learners. And so lots and lots of the things that I am interested in, or competent at. or focused on are unimportant to the people around me. My challenges and my strengths have little in common with the other inhabitants in the communities in which I have lately found myself.

I'm not complaining - does it sound like I am? I am simply observing the fact that many people that I have recently met are not interested in hearing about life choices that they do not share. And I never noticed it before. I'm marveling at the fact that I never ever realized:

1) that most people only like to speak in the language in which they are competent and

2) they only like to listen to you speak in a language that they can understand.

Is it strange that I LOVE to listen to languages that I haven't learned? The full truth is that I have always loved to learn languages but I have also always been drawn to listening to languages that I don't understand. I'm pulled to read information about lifestyles that are different from mine. I want to hear what teenagers find interesting and what elderly people are doing these days. I want to understand the culture of 'men'. I like to look at 'foreign' films about unfamiliar lands and unfamiliar people. I adore looking at homes that I've never visited, reading about strange concepts, smelling new smells. So it came as a bit of a surprise to me this month when I didn't get the same reaction from others. Everyone doesn't like to be exposed to people who live in different ways. And sometimes they dislike it so much that they respond to these differences very very strongly. (Check out the movie Happy Go Lucky to see a really skilled film about the ultimate optimist. The film brings out really strong reactions in people).

I sound naive and dense don't I? I don't think that I'm dense but I will definitely claim naive. I am one of the most gullible people that I've ever met. If you tell me something I usually believe exactly what I told you. Thank goodness I'm not the president of a large country. I would definitely engage in the following conversation.

HOSTILE NEIGHBOURING COUNTRY - We no longer mean you any harm. Those nuclear warheads pointing in your directions don't work. We just didn't have the labor to get rid of them after the last war.

ME, THE PRESIDENT - (Laughing Heartily) Are you serious? I'm so glad to hear that. I guess that I can dismantle our army now. (I sigh a sigh of relief). And actually if you need help to get rid of them please feel comfortable to ask for assistance since we'll have all the ex-army officers with time on their hands.

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I believe in good intentions. I can find a good intention in the most brutal of acts. If someone has a positive expression on their face I usually believe that all is well and go home feeling happy. My 10 year old son often tells me that maybe they were only pretending to be positive. But do you think I can grasp that as a possibility? I am ALWAYS shocked when I hear that someone had something negative to say about me behind my back. No matter how many times it has happened I have always been, and dare say always will be, taken aback.

I'm not saying these things to make myself seem 'saintlike' or anything such. I have no judgement of people who are skeptical about others and don't think it's better or worse to be pollyanna like. I just don't understand or relate to it. And that's why I often make sure that I'm around other optimists. You understand now why I can't hang out with chronic liars? And why long term relationships might never work for me? Do you know what it is like to believe everything that your partner tells you even if all evidence is to the contrary? And despite being repeatedly burned with this blanket kind of belief since my early teens I continued to believe every word that spewed out of my boyfriends' mouths. Pretty exciting way to live!

So I am pretty proud of myself today. I finally realized that in France it doesn't matter how good your English is. And that if you want people to admire your English, you should get your butt to an anglophone country.